In the time off feeling sorry for myself I've been watching a lot of TV and I kept seeing adverts for 'Married at First Sight' which is currently being aired on Channel 4. As a long term singleton, and someone who was contacted to be on a similar show a couple of years ago, I was intrigued to see the outcome of these arranged marriages.
One of the first things that has struck me is that most of these 'singletons' on the show have only been single for a year or two. The two people who have been single the longest have a 5 year single history. But I would be surprised if their consideration of 'single' means no dates, no one night stands, no anything.
I find it a little worrying that these people would be so quick to marry a total stranger after only a year or two of being single. I can't help but wonder how they would cope with being single for much longer, as I have. I understand that people have arranged marriages every day, but the religious and family traditions behind those marriages are really quite different than the reasons that these people are taking part in this experiment.
People still say to me 'oh have you tried this dating website' or 'have you tried speed dating' etc. Truth is I have tried most dating websites, but something the show mentioned which I agree with is that it's hard to get a feel of whether someone is right for you from an email. Not impossible, as I have connected with people over messages before, but it's been very rare. And after being single for as long as I have it's really quite frightening to even think of randomly meeting someone in the flesh from a dating website.
Speed dating is something I've not yet tried but I think it has to be the next step, and might take some of the fear out of meeting guys in the flesh as it will only be for a short amount of time initially. My only concern here is that I know I don't tend to come across well on first meetings, and that it takes time for people to warm to me. It's something I'd like to be able to change about myself, and maybe if I have to do it over and over it will soften people's first impression of me.
Another thing I agree with the show on, is that finding a partner is something of a job in itself. And when you already have a full time job, and lots of hobbies that you have filled your spare time with, how do you then fit in time to find a partner, let alone time to spend with them once you've found them? After this amount of time on my own I know that I have become set in my ways, but that's not to say I don't want someone to spend my nights with, or that I don't miss the closeness that having a partner would bring.
I suppose at the end of the day no matter how independent someone is, no matter what has stopped them from meeting someone, we all want to find someone who loves us. And who we can love in return. When you're the one remaining single friend amongst everyone you know, it becomes harder to argue the virtues of being single. I can definitely feel the walls closing in, in that respect, and it's terrifying to think I might still be single when everyone I know is paired off and having kids. I'm already in the minority of my friends when it comes to singles versus marrieds. And as much as I know it's not a war, it can sure feel like it when you're looked upon as the freak who can't get a boyfriend. Or even a date for that matter.
It leads you to ask 'what's wrong with me?', 'why doesn't anybody want to date me?' But then I look at the type of guys who do respond to me on dating sites, because there are a few, and then I wonder if maybe I am too picky? But after being single for so long, don't I deserve to be picky and not go for the first guy who shows interest?
I don't have the answers (obviously), but watching that show certainly made me think that I've not yet hit bottom if I'm not willing to marry a total stranger on national television.
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